Last week, I ordered a book from Amazon titled “Cultivate: The Science of Succeeding with People” by Vanessa Van Edwards. The book dives deep into human behavior, how we interact, how we understand others, how to recognize emotional cues, and even how body language influences communication.

I picked up this book because, six months ago, I started a new job where I regularly speak with people over the phone and work alongside more than 200 colleagues. At times, I found myself lacking confidence during conversations, especially when it came to expressing myself clearly in the workplace.

After watching several YouTube videos and hearing multiple recommendations from trusted influencers, this book consistently came up as a great starting point for anyone looking to improve their communication skills. Today, I’d like to share four insights I’ve gained from the book so far (I’ve completed about 50% of it). But before we dive into those, let me quickly mention one standout feature of the book, the PQ Test (People Intelligence Quiz) offered at the beginning. I scored 90 out of 200, which opened my eyes to how much room I have to grow in this area.

1. The First Five Minutes Matter Most – Vanessa emphasizes how crucial the first few minutes of any interaction are. Whether it’s choosing who to approach or deciding what to say, those initial moments shape how people perceive us. One powerful example from the book involved identifying a fake smile versus a genuine one—highlighting the importance of reading people accurately. The key takeaway: No matter how many social skills you master, if you find yourself in uncomfortable environments, it will be tough to leave a lasting, positive impression. Choose situations that align with your energy and values.

2. Create Your Social Game Plan – One of the most practical insights from the book is the idea of having a social game plan. Vanessa suggests that we shouldn’t automatically say yes to every networking opportunity or coffee invite with strangers. Instead, she recommends being intentional with our social time. There’s an exercise in the book that asks readers to identify places where they thrive, feel neutral, or just survive socially. Doing this helped me recognize which environments energize me and which ones drain me. The goal? Say “yes” to the right invites and politely skip the rest.

3. Making a Killer First Impression – We’ve all heard the saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” And it’s true. Whether it’s a job interview or a casual introduction, those first few seconds matter more than we realize. Some quick tips from the book:

• Walk with confidence—smile, maintain eye contact, and stay relaxed.
• Dress appropriately. Your outfit sets the tone before you speak.
• Use open body language—stand tall, offer a firm handshake, and avoid fidgeting.
• Listen actively. People remember how you made them feel, not just what you said.
• Bring positive energy. It’s contagious.
• Ultimately, it’s not about trying to impress everyone. It’s about showing up authentically, being respectful, and staying fully present.

4. The Power of Hand Gestures – Vanessa shares a fascinating insight: top TED speakers often use specific hand gestures to instantly build trust with their audience. Why? Because our brains are wired to pay attention to hands. Dating back to prehistoric times, our ancestors would quickly assess whether someone was a threat by checking if their hands were empty or holding a weapon. That instinct still exists today. It’s why a visible handshake feels welcoming and why police officers say “Hands up!” open hands signal safety. The lesson: Keep your hands visible when meeting someone new or speaking publicly. Avoid keeping them in your pockets. This simple gesture can help build trust in seconds.

Final Thoughts – I’m only halfway through Cultivate, but it’s already delivering valuable insights that are helping me become more intentional in how I connect with people. If you’re someone who wants to improve communication skills, build better relationships, and understand social dynamics, this book is a great place to start.🚩

📘 Book Recommendation – Cultivate: The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van Edwards. https://amzn.to/3TnmegH